We need to learn to communicate. Either we will communicate or disintegrate. There are five levels of communication:-

• The frivolous level – Talk about sports, clothes or the weather.
• The factual level – Talk about the news or things that happened at work.
• The fellowship level – Talk in church about spiritual things. The feeling level – You share your hurts. You open up about your hopes and dreams.
• The freedom level – The innermost part of you responds to the innermost part of the other person.

The communication problem in marriage can creep up slowly. You can talk down to each and not to each other. The things of life become a barrier to good communication. We need a communication makeover.

1 – The power of communication (vs. 21-23)

What is down in the well will show up in the bucket. Christ is our example. We are to trace our lives as Christ has gone before us. Christ never spoke a retaliatory or deceptive word. Christ controlled his tongue. We are to follow that example. They slandered and beat Jesus but he did not retaliate. Jesus knew that God is the one who judges and is in control. Can you do that? Do you lash back with your tongue? The example we have is the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus committed it to God each time. Can you trust God to deal with the situation or do you need to lash out with your tongue? The tongue is powerful.

• The tongue gives direction. See James 3:3. The tongue is compared to a bit and a rudder. The tongue needs a strong hand to control. See Proverbs 18:21. You can kill someone with your tongue. A soft answer will turn away wrath. See Proverbs 15:1. Have you noticed that? So why don’t you do it more often? See Proverbs 10:19. If you talk a lot you are going to sin a lot. Have you noticed that? Everything you think does not have to be said. Not all that we say is from God. We need to control our tongues. It is a wise person who can hold their tongue. See Proverbs 17:27-28. Anyone with some sense will spare their words. Even a fool when he shuts up shows some sense.
• The tongue brings destruction. See James 3:6-7. It is like a blow torch in your mouth! Fire reproduces itself. One small fire can cause massive destruction as it spreads.
• The tongue brings defilement. See James 3:7-8. It is full of deadly poison. The tongue is uncontrollable and wide. It is like a beast. Beasts can be tamed. Yet no man can tame the tongue. The tongue can be tamed by God.

2 – The problems in communication

There are three main problems.

• There are differences. A man is not like a woman and a woman is not like a man. God has made us different. See 1 Peter 3:1-8. A wife can win her husband to the Lord from her inner beauty. A woman is to have a meek and gentle spirit. This is not to say that a woman should not wear some makeup. A barn door looks better with some paint! A husband is to study his wife (“knowledge”). He is to go to school. Men are simple creatures of habit. Women are complex. Men are different from women. Most men do not like a lot of talking. We are just different. A woman is to not talk so much and the man is to study the women so he knows what to talk about! A man does not want to know all the details. He just wants the facts. A woman wants more detail from the man. God made us different and he put us together. It is important that we recognise our differences.
• Selfishness. We have to get our eyes and mind of ourselves. See Matthew 16:24. Philippians 2:1ff. You need to get your eyes off yourself and think of others. Our example is Jesus Christ.
• Bitterness. This is where you are holding something against your mate. It might have happened years ago. See Hebrews 12:15. You need to get over it. If you hold it on the inside it will grow. You need to root it out!

3 – The practice of communication

Here are some things to practice for good communication.

• Learn to be sensitive. You were once.
• Get past your pride. We all want our own way. Put your pride away.
• Listen to your mate with your whole body. Put the remote away or hit the mute button when your wife wants to talk!
• Leave the past behind. Learn to forgive. Forget what happened ten years ago.
• Pick your battles. You do not need to argue about everything!
• Learn when to shut up!
• Learn to laugh. Lighten up. Everything is getting so serious! It is not a sin to smile. Have a bit of fun.
• Don’t ignore or exaggerate your problems.
• Talk to each other not about each other.
• Don’t try to change your mate. Change yourself. If you try to change your mate they will resist.
• Allow the Spirit of God, not the Devil, to rule your tongue.

Categories: 1 Peter