There is a difference between grief and mourning. Grief tends to be private, while grief is mourning gone public.

1 – When to grieve

The grieving can happen before a person has died. It can depend on who the person was and the nature of the detachment. The nature of the death can also be a factor. The death could be sudden or very slow. A number of sudden deaths can have a knock-on effect.

2 – How to help

See Genesis 3, Isaiah 1 and Psalm 24. God knows what it is to be grieved or broken-hearted. It is comforting to have a God who knows what it is to grieve. If you want to comfort someone who is going through grief then here are some things to remember:-

• It is often better to say nothing – We should pray about how we should respond – not what we should say. Don’t say “Get over it”, “It’s time to move on”, etc. Sometimes we need to share the darkness before we share the light.
• It is important to be there and listen. Don’t judge. Should they be happy because they are with the Lord? Sensitivity is required. We need to be sensitive to the mood of others. We need to be prepared to listen.
• We need to talk about the deceased. There is no point in ignoring the elephant in the room.
• Even quoting scripture may not be helpful. There is a time and place to use the scriptures.
• Be practical – like what God did for Elijah when he was running from Jezebel. God told Elijah to sleep, eat and rest.
• The grieving experience is unique for each individual. The grieving experience is not a straight line.
• Children need to grieve also. It would be a mistake to hid things from children and prtend that normality must continue.
• Don’t offer solutions. We can’t bring the deceased back!

3 – It’s okay to display grief

We have probably heard the phrase that “big boys don’t cry”. We should take it as a privilege if someone cries in our presence.

Don’t try to stifle grief. There can be a hysterical grief that requires gentle help. We are to help people work through pain of grief, let go emotionally and learn to live with the new changes in their life. it is necessary – in time – to move on. Change can be hard for people to accept. Some people can have their “little shrines” and find it difficult to move on with their lives. Each individual is different. Never say to anyone that that “you know how they feel”. You may have gone through the same experience but not felt the same! Also, don’t assume grief when there may be none! We can often help most by just being there.

Categories: Genesis